Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you still have time to sleep
To Die For (Gus Van Sant, 1995)
the first month was a landslide.
you saw me falling faster than a crash landing,
standing at the base of a fifty foot insanity,
so smooth, i mistook your hands for humanity.
you molded your face into something unrecognizable
as the size of all my words bisected into:
“this is for me” and
“this is for you.”
month two was a black moth in my bedroom.
i could tell you were drowning
and dragging me with you.
but your lips still felt like sunlight in the morning,
even when my arms were black and blue,
even when you carved hate into my veins.
this is not something i can easily explain.
this is not something you will understand.
the third month was shattered glass and quicksand.
i couldn’t leave the house
without getting shards lodged in my hands,
but i told everyone i could still stand next to you, just fine.
i never mentioned the spikes you drove into my spine
because i knew they’d just get sharper
i didn’t want the neighbors to hear me cry.
month four was bruised knuckles on a wooden door.
i always knew no one was home.
my worth dwindled into a dial tone
when you said ‘alone’ was worth an investment.
i couldn’t touch anything without a bullet-proof vest and
you had the nerve to turn into a land mine.
for the record, i still feel your breath sometimes.
it’s like waking up in another lifetime.
on loving your abuser (via seapups)
[boy voice] yeah i read a lot of nietzsche and hemingway, i listen to radiohead and radiohead only, pop music makes me sick, i’m all about equal rights between men and women and all but theres scientific evidence that men are better than women
im just really, really, ridiculously good looking
Good morning from a very rainy day in Boston…… feeling super sleepy and happy